A fleeting moment’s journey

– Three weeks ago – 

I sat on the couch, listening to the still of nothingness that surrounded me.

For the first time in a long time, time hesitated to continue.

I froze, willing myself not to breathe — for fear this moment would soon be lost in the rest.

Nothing was inherently special about this day, this hour, this moment. Just another Thursday.

But it was a moment, none the less.

I embraced it, this one phone-less moment, to ponder the ones before it.

To think back on a year that had, once again, flown by too quickly.

Of all the obstacles endured and conquered. Of all the good observed and experienced.

She believed that she could, so she did. A quote I had always reminded myself of in the moments where I lost perspective. Of the tiny moments when  I lost all confidence to continue studying, dreaming, doing, working, pursuing, trusting.

But it wasn’t the quote that kept me pushing forward. It was this verse.

The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still. – Exodus 14:14 

The fear of unknown dissolves when you understand the magnitude of God’s grace and strength. I am nothing, a fleeting breath in the wind, but I was made to worship Him. To be still, to take a moment to breathe — God fights for you. Overwhelming, yet true.

The moment continued in a whisper. Looking at the lights glittering on the seven-foot pine, ignoring the distractions of technology, I continued to analyze and digest all that had occurred in the past 300-some days.

A year of changes, both good and bad. A year of being pushed out of my comfort zone in more ways than I had anticipated.

A year of difficult decisions, but a year of unexpected joys and blessings. A year of deciding which thoughts to dwell on and which ones to discard. A year of forgiveness and acceptance. A year of wondering God’s plan for my life (like always). A year of confidently putting faith in the One who sees all.

A year of seeing God work through little details.

God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them. – John Piper

The story isn’t finished yet. Is it ever? In the midst of ‘what ifs’ and ‘if thats,’ we transition between ‘I understand what God’s doing’ and ‘I have no idea what’s going on.’

Piper’s words encourage me. It is easy to dwell on the three things we know for sure, the three things God allows us to see. However, it is harder to accept the other 9,997 things God orchestrates behind the scenes. I sometimes feel like a passenger in a car I can’t control. I don’t know where I’m going, but I know I’m going somewhere. The driver won’t tell me — I have to wait and see.

Life is like that, and it’s sometimes a difficult concept to surrender to. A thriving struggle with our own mindsets — our own agendas — and the one God has for us. Faith. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on the hardships instead of the joys. Sometimes, the hardships are all we see.

But when we worship, when we remember God’s plan — that He makes no mistake — we are renewed.

I am renewed. Renewed in the fact that letting go has never been my forte. That surrendering is foreign to me. That it’s okay to let go of a grasp I’ve held so tightly for so long. A part of the healing process. A tug towards faith, instead of control. A daily battle of fight and surrender. A part of what needs to be done to transform into the person God wants me to be.

Truly He is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. – Psalm 62:6 

– Today –

I wrote the above blog post three weeks ago, but didn’t post it. I didn’t think it was done yet, but I didn’t know how to end it. Didn’t know what it needed to be considered complete. Until today.

In that moment of silent gratitude, just twenty-one days ago, I realized 2014 is just another fleeting moment. But in that moment, in this year almost gone, all that God has done intertwined with the past and with the future. It was in that moment of silence, right before the clock resumed its circular journey and the phone buzzed again — it was in that moment, I was renewed and reminded.

I am but a fleeting life, but in it, I will worship.

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The Dash: Part Two, surviving to live

This is Part Two of The Dash blog series. 

If you missed Part One, click here .

Conversation is encouraged for this blog series. Please feel free to share and comment your thoughts and opinions in the coming weeks as I dive more deeply into “The Dash.”  Share the blog link and use the Twitter hashtag: #thedashblogseries to invite others to join the conversation. 

If you have a question that hasn’t been listed, feel free to add it in a comment. 

If you’d rather send me an email, click here. 

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Everyone is passionate about something. 

Whether it’s sports, sleeping, pursuing a career, love, music, coffee, a person…

Everyone is passionate about something.

Throughout my life, I’ve wondered what I’m passionate about.

I’ve thought about it and written about it. I’ve prayed about it, talked about it, dreamed about it.

If everyone has a passion, what was mine?

It seems like a stupid question. If you’re passionate about something, it should be obvious to you what it is. To me, though, when it came right down to it, things that I would consider my passions all had one thing in common.

I realized that my passion is simply living.

Jesus. Living, breathing, memory-making, conversation. Joy, sadness, music, people. Coffee, school, laughter, writing, photography. The things that make up my every day.

Life. 

The thing about life is that no matter how long you have it and no matter how “fully” you’ve lived it, it never is long enough.

It’s become a social trend: How To Live Life To the Fullest. I’ve even had my share of attempts at answering the age-old question. Examples can be found here and here. With the bombardment of trying to make the best of your life and creating bucket lists of places we want to see before we die and things to do, things to experience…. we begin to feel overwhelmed with all the ways we could live life better. We begin to compare our lives to those around us. We begin to try and set goals to make ourselves better, happier, prettier so maybe, if those goals are successfully achieved, then life would be better, too.

Slowly but surely, we begin to drown in the “shoulda woulda coulda” instead of simply living.

We jokingly say “YOLO” (You Only Live Once) and we throw it around in conversation. Usually, people say it when they’re about to do something idiotic or stupid. “YOLO” has become a way of life. It’s become almost an excuse to do things that will help us “live life to the fullest.” But does it?

I think, when it all comes down to it, we’ve lost our passion for life, myself included. We take our days too seriously and we approach each situation with a critical eye, completely unaware that most of the time, we’re looking for the bad and assuming the worst. It almost has become a habit. We forget to look around us, “stopping to smell the roses” so to speak, and we rush through each day with a schedule and our minds running 1,000 miles per hour. We rush through every day, creating lists of things to do, people to see, things to experience. We rush, we rush, we rush…

We are too busy surviving to stop and simply live.

The day that I walked out of the cemetery*, I was overcome with emotion and started thinking more about this small horizontal line.

The Dash between the year of arrival and the year of passing is small. It doesn’t catch every moment you create in this life. It doesn’t even come close to summarizing the life of each individual. It simply is the length of time from when you were born to when you die. You only live once, so what volumes will your Dash speak?

The Dash may not capture every moment we have on Earth, but that doesn’t mean we should stop living.

As cliche as it sounds, each day is a gift. I don’t know when my Dash will end. I don’t know what date is going to bookend that Dash.

We can’t just live our lives to survive. We must live every day, taking in the wonders and the miracles and the trials.

Just because The Dash doesn’t capture every moment doesn’t mean that every moment shouldn’t be captured. 

* Reference to Part One of “The Dash” Series.

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Let’s talk: 

How would you describe the word “passion?” How can a passion effect you mentally/spiritually/emotionally/physically? Would you consider yourself passionate about life– how so?