Have you ever felt like you are a failure? Ever felt that no matter what you do, nothing ever goes right? Have those days when you just want to give up and go back to sleep?
You’re not alone. It’s all good, because I’ve been struggling recently, too.
Trying to find my place in life. Trying to find out who I am. It seems like a very psychological issue, doesn’t it? I sort of just started thinking about who I am and who I’m becoming. I find myself asking, “Am I becoming the person God wants me to be? Am I doing what He has planned for my life?” I’ve been evaluating myself from the inside out, taking one thing at a time and cautiously handing it over to God. I say cautiously loosely because I trust God and his master plan. But at the same time, don’t you think it’s a little difficult to give yourself TOTALLY over to God for his doing? Perhaps.
It sounds like a contradiction to say, “Yes! I trust God!” but then struggle with actually handing it all over to Him. It’s a hard thing, but it’s a faith thing. Living by faith requires a lot of prayer and…well…faith!
For example, part of me still says “I can handle this by myself, thank you.” But the other part of me contradicts and says, “Uh, Keri. Think again. No you can’t. Give it over to God. He’s never failed you.” To inhale and give it over to God completely=faith. But it’s not so easy, because………
I’m a failure. I fail because of sin. I fail because I’m imperfect. I fail because I’m human. My skin is flawed, my ways are flawed, my writing’s flawed, my whole self is flawed. I’ve been trying to rethink everything in my life and live more freely in Christ. It’s not as easy as you think, you know. There’s a lot of baggage to carry, such as the thoughts that I am a flawed failure. Such as the thoughts that that statement I just typed is true. Thoughts like, “You’re no good. You fail. You’re flawed.” I was running on the treadmill and these thoughts popped to mind. I was focused on running and it startled me. I wasn’t expecting it. The realization that no matter what I do, I’m going to fail in some way, shape, or form fell on me. It’s hard to think about, isn’t it? It gets to you, doesn’t it? Yes and yes. I had to stop running for a second to catch up with my thoughts.
It doesn’t have to get to you. There’s an answer. I was going through another one of my “pondering life” moments right then as I was running, when I stumbled upon a verse in Hebrews. I actually had memorized it in the past, but it jumped to mind as soon as I stopped running and began “believing” the lies.
You see, no matter what you do to improve something, on your own, it’s going to be a fail. It’s simply because God is awesome and is the ultimate improvement doctor. He shows us our personal problems when He sees it in his plan for us and just like that, opens our eyes for us to discover a way to grow closer towards Him. He’ll make you see it in the oddest times and in the oddest places. For me, he told me on a Tuesday afternoon while I was running on the treadmill.
In Hebrews 12:1-2, it says this…
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
There it was in bold ink. Throw off EVERYTHING that entangles me and run the race for God. God’s so awesome that he even told me while I was running on a Tuesday afternoon… he told me to think of Hebrews 12:1-2.
Feeling like a flawed failure is one thing. Feeling like a flawed failure, yet throwing it off for Jesus to take care of is something totally different. You may think that you’re flawed and a failure and can’t get back on with life. But just when you start to think that, close your eyes and just throw off everything that hinders you. Everything that tangles you from running the race that God has planned for you. Throw off everything and have faith. Because you are a winner. You are a perfect creation. You ARE a masterpiece. And not just because I’m telling you right now, but because God MADE you like that and that’s the best information you can receive any day. Hebrews 12:1-2 confirms that…Jesus is waiting for you at the finish line. You just gotta run. You just gotta have faith and remember that God’s right there running with you. He’s running with you and He’s also at the finish line. So…have you run today?